2020 is a very interesting year to plan a wedding mainly because Covid-19 is changing the way we live. The best that has come out for me thus far is online marriage counselling. Because of the restrictions in gathering, we get to do counselling online which allows for flexibility and freedom. This weekend there were two events in the wedding sphere in Namibia that is worth highlighting.
There was a heart moving story of an elderly couple who got a wedding funded by random Namibians after a clip of their announcement day went viral on social media. The couple did not have the means to throw a white wedding as known by many and many Namibia pulled together various resources to make this wedding happen. It was great to see the joy that this gesture brought in the lives of this elderly couple and it is something that they will hardly ever forget after 32 years of being in a relationship.
This gesture was seen by many in two lights. Some people are pro the donation and they believe that everyone deserve a good wedding and it was unfortunate that the family of the bride and groom did not chip in to help. On the other hand there are those who believe that this couple were about the set a precedent that was going to liberate a lot of people in Namibia. Society has labelled what a good wedding should be and its unfortunately expensive for many people and thus they just opt not to get married.
This is not just pressure to the poor people. Even as we plan this wedding, there are certain unspoken pressure from friends and family that if not carefully looked at can leave someone feeling unhappy and broke. This range from simple things such as where to buy your wedding dress, what the value of your wedding ring should be, the number of grannies dresses that you should sponsor and who should do your décor. Often the inputs of these people is based on the opinion of what a good wedding should be and they ignored the fact that all that cost money.
I am lucky in the sense that if I make up my mind that this is not in our budget , we will buy what fit in it and any suggestion beyond that, unless you are funding it, we will politely say “No thank you”. These was seen as being rude and hard headed at first but eventually people begin to realize that they do not have that much influence. In the end it all costs money and if the money is not there, there is unfortunately nothing we can do.
My one word of advise to other fellow bride who have weddings in November/December, let us not be ignorant to the fact that times are not the same. There is a possibility that your wedding will only be attended by 50 people or even 10 people, so do not waste your money on unnecessary things that you will not be able to recoup. I for one is delaying the making of grannies dresses. My mum thinks I will stress last minute but I personally think I’d rather take the stress of splitting the dresses to be made by 5 tailors instead of wasting money for dresses just to end up in heap of other wedding dresses that our grand parents have. We have also given our bridesmaids and groomsmen an option to not pay if they feel constraints or might not make it instead of taking people’s money and then having to refund them later.
Yes, this may sound extreme but really, this is probably the first year the government restricts the number of people that can attend a wedding thus things can not continue the way they are being done. After seeing a bride getting arrested at her wedding day because she exceeded the number allowed at a gathering it really sank in that we are indeed living in unprecedent times. Imagine!
Love~ Pandu naTaati