So you have said yes. What now? Where is all this going to come from? Who is going to fund it? How is it going to work? Please note that I am not married nor engaged. I am just writing what I think we should be looking at when thinking about wedding costs.
If you are already married, maybe the best you can do is share with us what you wish you had know than that you could have done differently.
The thing is money is one of the biggest reason for the high divorce rates and hence the conversations around money management in a relationship need to be addressed early on. At this stage, me and my boyfriend have different views on wedding costs and if we were to get married right away, we would probably fight about every single cost we spend on that wedding. So the first place to start is smoothen out your money values and perceptions. What do you think about ? Why do you think of it in that particular way? How much do you think its worth on spending on a wedding if you are to ever get married and why do you say so? Agreeing upfront on this questions will assist in getting together a budget for your Big day.
A marriage should be about love and commitment to one another and the wedding ceremony is just a event to have family, friend and community witness the exchange of vows. Understanding that should influence how you view a wedding event. The problem with the cost of the wedding does not stem from the couple it stems from perceptions and expectations. What will people think about my simple dress and catering venue? If this is your main concern, please think if this is why you are getting married.
To the bride – You are going to wear that dress once. Please buy a reasonable dress and if your wedding is going to span over two days, find a dress that you can maybe accessorize by taking off the long arms or adding a ribbon or something, do not get into the habit of wanting two dresses. Is it really worth it?
The made of honor- please do not put pressure on your friend getting married. Remember it is her wedding not yours. If she says she cannot afford, please do not insist. Avoid making expensive parties such as bridal showers. Maybe instead of spending all that money on venue costs and expensive photo shoots, can we not bring the gifts with to the wedding day and also save transport money for the other friends that are out of town? Just asking.
The Groom- Please be realistic. Make the suite simple. Does it really have to come from China? Maybe yours can. Guys have suites from other parties, can they not just buy new shirts or tie that match yours? No one would even know. The less they spend on outfits, the more they are likely to come with gifts worth assisting to your future.
Families – Can we just chill and remember that this the beginning not the end. These people will need a place to call home and you would even expect a guest room in their home. Where will all this come from if you assist on that alcohol budget? Let us be realistic? Instead of giving all the 7 cattle and insisting they all be slaughtered the day of the wedding, can we not give two calves so that they can start their hobby farming?
Friends- If you are not made a bridesmaid , please do not mourn. She still needs you to be there. If she gave you an invite, she though about you. Be proactive and ask how you can be of use on the day. Volunteer to assist with the food shopping, the cooking and the decorations.
If we can all relax our standards and expect a less from the poor couples, life will be easier. We will not be asked enormous bridal contributions as we are all on the same page.
And lastly, if there are plenty of trees around the house, we can use them to serve people and the simple tent hired can really go to the main guests.
Let us love one another and hope for a better future.